Tick Tock, Tick Tock
20 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Time…that slippery mystery that we always wish we had more of but waste much of what we do. Lately, I have found myself constantly thinking about how busy the next month is going to be, then I’ll have a month and a half of “normalcy,” and then time will really take off next fall (more on the reason later). I periodically wonder what it is that is filling my summer, making it seem finished although it hasn’t really started (odd, how, after four years of being done with school, I still think of it as “summer vacation”). And the answer, every time it comes to me, takes my breath away.
Charlie.
Not in a bad way, not in the least. But I am not used to planning my summer around the happenings of someone else. How a lot of my activities are Charlie’s, and he wants me there with him. And vice versa…my activities that I use to fill up his time.
I find myself thinking about the future…the future future…the “big” future. I dream of things I want, and that I hope will come to be, and I have to catch myself and bring myself back to the present, to relish what I have now, to appreciate what is here and now, this instant. For someone who learned at a young age that there isn’t necessarily “always tomorrow,” I find myself worrying more than I ought.
The first weekend in June, my mom is visiting me. The second weekend in June, Charlie and I are going to Wisconsin Dells. The third weekend in June, his brother and sister-in-law and their kids from NYC are visiting, and it is his sister’s big birthday bash (that, I hear, they are going all-out for). The fourth and fifth (yes, an extra weekend in June!!!) have no plans, although one of them will be spent in Sioux Falls, but i am not sure which one yet.
July is calmer, nothing specific yet. My aunt and uncle will come up to catch a Twins game, which I hope I will be able to join them for. Then August hits. I dread August.
August is the State Fair…12 straight days of rides and games and shows and food. And no Charlie. His family owns three stands at the fair, and he will be working them every day from open till beyond close, and I won’t see him at all unless I venture out to the fair, Which I should. But by then I’ll be horribly busy with my own major thing, which will be announced sometime in June (it’s not that big of a deal, really, I just need it to be set in stone before I mention it).
Cherish your time, my friends Live it to the fullest, even if that means taking a breath. Don’t live in fear that time will run out before tomorrow, but don’t live with the assumption that time will never run out.
Until then,
B.
Homeward Bound
01 May 2012 Leave a Comment
Three days. Three long, dragging, horribly slow days until I come home to Sioux Falls for the first time in I forget how many months. I’m so excited to see my mom, who is home safely from her winter in Arizona, as well as all my friends and extended family that I haven’t seen in months.
And there’s something special about this trip.
Charlie at the Sculpture Garden
Charlie is coming with me. I feel like this is a major step for me. MAJOR. Kind of a melding of my two lives…my one here in Minneapolis, and my “old” one in Sioux Falls. Present meets past. For the first time, I’m showing someone who is not familiar with Sioux Falls where I grew up. Where I went to college. My favorite haunts in Sioux Falls. The city that is a big part of who I am today. Some part of it is hard to put into words, why this feels like a big deal to me when it probably isn’t that big of a deal at all.
I’m really excited, though. Not only am I excited to see all my friends and family, but I am excited to introduce Charlie to them. These groups of people who are so important to me, and Charlie who is incredibly important to me…it is only natural that I would want them to meet.
The iconic Cherry and the Spoon is behind us
Speaking of Charlie, things are going really well with us. Today marks our 5 month anniversary, but honestly it feels like it’s been longer than that. In a good way. We do lots of fun things together. A couple weekends ago we went to Stillwater and did a wine tasting at Northern Vineyards Winery, went into an old bookstore that carried first-editions and out-of-print books, an antique store, and other cutsie gift shops We also had dinner at a new place called Reve 324, which was decent. The atmosphere was amazing, the live acoustic music they had was just perfect, but the food was nothing to die for. The weekend, however, was perfect.
At the scenic overlook in Stillwater
In other news, I’m still on the d**** diet, but hopefully I’m close. Just have to stick with it a little bit longer. I’m in desperate need of new clothes but I am putting off buying very many…I feel like a frump!
Well, my friends, the night is not young and I have a busy few days ahead of me.
Until then,
B
Update Update!!!
15 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
Today is the perfect day.
I spent the weekend with Charlie and he got to meet my very good friend Ashlee. I cannot quite believe that we are already at the “introduce you to my friends” stage, but it just feels like the right time. I made chicken kabob and Ashlee brought over this really yummy, healthy, summery salad that was a perfect match to my kabobs. I was reminded once again how perfectly lovely it is not to work weekends anymore. I actually have a life….*sigh of content*
Things with Charlie are developing. We have discovered that we are at polar opposite spectrums on a certain topic: Traditional medicine (me) and alternative medicine (him). Each of us has complete distrust for the other person’s medicine of choice, although I do believe that aspects of alternative medicine are legitimate and should be incorporated with traditional care. We got into a rather heated argument about it the other day regarding a book he is reading regarding Gerson Therapy, a rather controversial method of treating cancer that is actually illegal in the U.S. And while I don’t think we will ever fully agree with each other about completely giving up one medicine or the other, this is a really great exercise in helping us to continue to strengthen our relationship for a number of ways:
1. If we do continue to progress to the “I do” stage and have kids, we have to have a compromised strategy to treat our kids if they were to ever get seriously ill. We would also have to be able to respect the other’s preference for treatment if we ourselves get sick.
2. It has helped us identify areas that we need to improve in our relationship. As with most couples, we need to improve our communication process.
3. It has helped us see how we need to go about learning things together. Instead of him reading one thing, and me reading another and then talking to each other about it without the other fully understanding, it causes a breakdown in our communication. So we came up with a plan. We would learn, together, about something that interests us both but is not controversial so that we can get practice in learning together when it comes to more serious topics.
I am excited for this. I am excited for Charlie and I to go through these steps and build ourselves, both as partners and individually.
Today is a “Me” day. I slept in. I got some productive things done such as laundry and the dishes. And now I am about to continue my first Pinterest craft project, scrabble coasters for Charlie’s Mom for Mother’s Day. His parents are avid Scrabble players, especially his mom, so I am hoping that she adores this gift. Now I need to figure out something to make for my mom next!!
Until then,
B
The Truth about Dieting
14 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: diet, ideal protein diet, Life, paleo diet
Charlie and I have both recently started dieting (well, mine was a re-start) and this has led us to debate which diets are good and how they should really work. He is doing the Paleo Diet and I am doing, as previously discussed, the Ideal Protein diet. He, still being in the beginning stages of dieting, thinks that this is just while he loses weight, and once he gets to his goal, he can eat as he did before.
And this is why diets fail, over and over.
In reality, a diet is (or should not be) a temporary food regimen while losing weight. It should be habitual, a way of life. In fact, the actual definition of the word “diet” is just that…habitual nourishment. Society, though, as part of stressing being skinny and sexy, has also stressed the word diet as an extreme way to lose weight…but it doesn’t really define it as keeping off the weight. Through the course of my diet, I have slowly, painfully learned this. But after months and months of having to think that way, I’ve discovered that I have changed the way I think about food. And that, my friends, is the true goal of dieting.
My diet is done in stages, with the 4th phase being the final maintenance stage. The theory behind the diet is to separate fats and carbs so that they are not consumed in the same meal (except for breakfast). Your body can process fats, and it can process carbs, but when they are digested at the same time, your body is overloaded and ends up storing them. It converts the carbs to fats and stores it while it processes the actual fats. Those that I know that are on the 4th stage and have stuck to it have successfully kept off the weight.
Charlie’s diet, the Paleo, is also known as the hunter-and-gatherer diet or the caveman diet. The basic premise is you eat what was readily available in the caveman days…vegetables, meat, and fruit. I’ve also read that it is a very successful diet, and Charlie seems to be having good luck with it. The nice thing is that when we eat together, the meals are virtually prescribed the same. Charlie, however, is still tempted to cheat, to sneak cookies, cake, shamrock shakes, all that yummy stuff. I, on the other hand, have learned to kind of view it as an evil treat….once in a while (once i get into maintenance) but definitely not every day.
So the truth about dieting is that it is not simply cutting back, or buying into programs, or not eating at all. It’s a way of life, about consciously making smart food choices until it becomes habit. Which it will. It takes time and effort, and a lot of patience and understanding both for yourself and those around you. But in the end, it’s worth it.
Until then,
B
Trip Down Memory Lane
04 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
Recently my mom and I traveled to Lexington, KY for a short mother-daughter trip. I was originally going to go to visit her in Arizona, but since I made a surprise visit over Thanksgiving we decided to go somewhere else together. We debated between a few places and finally settled on Lexington. She has always wanted to take me back there (I was there once when I was very little but I don’t recall any of it) and we thought this was the perfect time. She and I love to travel, and since I’ve joined the real world we’ve had less opportunities so this was truly special.
We visited the house that my dad’s mom and step-dad (I think) lived in. We had one of those embarrassing mom moments when, as we were in the car and she was trying to take a picture, the front door opened and a man walked out.
“Can I help you?” He asked.
My mom explained why we were there as I was trying to crouch down as far as I could into the seat. He was very, very nice, though, and invited us inside. I’d never been there so nothing was familiar to me, but it was fun to watch my mom walk around and recall having Thanksgiving there with my dad.
Grandma Mattie's house
Dining Room
We met his wife and they showed us around and invited us to take pictures. I felt really uncomfortable since they hadn’t expected us and the house held no memories for me, but my Mom took a few more. She said that she remembered it as being much bigger…funny how the mind alters our memories over time.
We also visited the graves of Mattie, her second husband Ed (who I did meet and vaguely remember), and his mother and sister. The Lexington Cemetery is a neat historical place…so many people from so long ago. Lexington was established in 1775, a year before the United States even became its own country, so you can imagine the ages represented in there. Mary Todd Lincoln’s family is buried there.
We also took a horse farm tour. Driving on the roads between the white and black fences…you know, like you see in all the movies about horse racing, is beautiful. The fences can only be black or white (white is a status symbol) and you have a limited amount of time to paint the fence after you put them up before you get a letter from the city. We were on some magnificent farms…humungous…3 or 4 mansions on property! Several of the farms are now incorporated but we were on one private farm. Sharon Stone stayed in the “guest house” while she filmed a not-heard of movie called Simpatico. 
No joke, this is the barn
We visited a farm that was a non-profit organization for retired horses. Once a horse can no longer race, they are used for breeding. Once they can no longer breed, they are hopefully sent to this farm called Old Friends where they can live the remainder of their lives in wide open spaces. Visitors can feed them carrots and when we go there, they were certainly expecting us.
There’s a movie star at this farm.
The Horse's real name is Popcorn Deelites, but he played Seabiscut in the 2003 movie because, apparently, he looked just like the real one.
We also went on a bourbon distillery tour, ate at a couple of really nice places, and had a spa day at the spa located at the hotel we stayed at. Mom had never had a massage or body scrub so it was fun to be with her for her first one. We did hot stone massages…can we say heaven?
Mother-daughter trips are so much fun, and I’m really excited to go on more with her.
Until then,
B.
Miss Independent
19 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment
One of the first things one will learn about me is how fiercely independent I am. I know that I can fend for myself. I think that it comes from watching my mother raise me all on her own after my father died. For the first several years, I watched her raise me while working a full time job, and later giving up her job so that she could put all her focus on me. She never asked anyone to step in for her, although I am sure at times she really, really wanted to. My independence is one of the greatest gifts she has ever given me.
Being so independent, however, has at times caused me to be stubborn. Really stubborn. Incredibly stubborn. Stubborn to the point where I bite my nose off to spite my face. And it’s something I’ve had to work on now that I’m with Charlie. Not giving up my independence…that will never happen. But knowing that it’s ok (sometimes) to step back (only when necessary) and let Charlie give me a hand (with minor things) has changed my outlook on life. Its ok to lean on someone…ok to need someone to be there at times.
Charlie, bless his heart, has been so patient with me. He knows my track record has caused me to get hurt and consequently make cautious decisions now and has given me the time to adjust to having him there. He doesn’t get angry or defensive when I freak out. He listens to me when I have to talk through things to make sense of them. And he’s been there unquestionably, whenever I’ve needed him. That’s entirely new for me. I like it.
Likewise, my commitment to my independence has kept me from rushing into something head first with a blindfold on like I usually do. I think things through, about whether this is what I want, or do I just like that silly giddy feeling one gets when they meet someone new.
Charlie has taught me how to find a nice middle-ground with my independence. He’s used to being a nurturer but has learned to give me a little space and to respect that I value my independence, but has also gotten me to let go of the reins a little bit. I hate to admit this but….its nice to be able to just let go and let someone else worry about things at times. I’m so used to being the half in the relationship that’s constantly trying to plan the next thing and keep things running smoothly for the other person…it’s nice to have that done for me once in a while.
I still have some work to do on not being so stubborn, but I can feel myself relaxing and letting go. I know that I will never not be independent, but being independent doesn’t mean that it’s not ok to let someone else be there with you.
This whole post can pretty much be summed up in the lyrics of Kelly Clarkson’s Miss Independent:
Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don’t let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She’d never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love
[Chorus]
What is the feelin’ takin’ over?
Thinkin’ no one could open my door
Surprise, It’s time
To feel what’s real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No more the need to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true
Miss guarded heart
Miss play it smart
Miss if you want to use that line you better not start, no
But she miscalculated
She didn’t want to end up jaded
And this miss decided not to miss out on true love
So, by changing her misconceptions
She went in a new direction
And found inside she felt a connection
She fell in love.
[Chorus]
When Miss Independence walked away
No time for love that came her way
She looked in the mirror and thought today
What happened to miss no longer afraid?
It took some time for her to see
How beautiful love could truly be
No more talk of why can’t that be me
I’m so glad I finally see
Yup…that’s pretty much me.
Until Next Time,
B.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes, pt 2.
08 Feb 2012 1 Comment
Once again, it appears that I have fallen off the blog wagon. Sometimes I think it’s just silly and at others I am just simply too busy. But after having read a friend’s blog, I decided maybe it’s a decent way to share things and figure things out. Journaling is so blah to me even though it’s more private.
My last post was about changes, and they haven’t stopped since then. Work has changed a lot with management and I think overall it will be an amazing thing but there are lots of things to adapt to all at once. I am fully in my new position and while it is certainly a challenge at times I am truly enjoying it. I am excited to see how it continues to grow and improve and build on it’s talent.
My personal life has seen a couple changes as well. In July, I started the Ideal Protein Diet and since then I have lost about 40 pounds. I still have a ways to go and am currently taking a short break from it, but I have been incredibly proud of myself in my commitment to it. I’ve had to completely give up carbs, which is a serious challenge! But I have noticed that it has changed my way of thinking when it comes to food, and even when I am on the maintenance phase of the diet I am confident that I won’t go back to my old eating habits.
Before:
This is a rather bad picture of me about a year ago
Current:
This was taken a couple months ago
I have a little further to go before I reach my goal, but I have so much support from those around me that I know I can keep on going. I’m returning to phase 1 (the most difficult one) on March 1st, and I should be done about a month after that, if all goes wells.
Another addition to my life is Charlie. I met Charlie a couple months ago at a nice restaurant called Bacios, which I got totally lost trying to find. We had dinner and sat there for three hours just talking about lots of things…movies, work, life, theatre, traveling. I could tell right away that he was a gentleman. At the end of the first date we had planned the second, and at the end of the second date we had plans for the third. We’ve been together since, and I think every day how lucky I am to have finally found someone who is able to provide what I need and allow me to be there for him as well. There have been some challenges…not with Charlie and I but mostly with me, myself, and I. These are all topics by themselves, so you’ll probably hear more in future posts, but I am trying to keep calm and not freak out. Which is my normal MO.
Charlie is a little older than I am, but if you know me well you know that that’s how I tend to like things. He works at Wells Fargo in their mergers and acquisitions department. We have a lot of the same interests…movies and theatre being the two main ones, but we each also like trying new things, which I think is important. Our third date was ice skating at my work and it was one of my favorites. He holds doors for me and helps me with my coat and treats me like a princess…which my independent nature sometimes rebels against but it is something I am working on.
Here's Charlie
For now, I think that’s enough updates. From here on out, it may be more insightful, let’s figure out my head kind of posts.
Until then,
B.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
30 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
What would life be like if it were static? If each and every day was the same. The exact same as the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that.
On the plus side, you’d know what to expect. There’d be no uncertainty. You’d always be prepared. You would just have to hope to God that whatever day set the precedence for all the others was a really freakin’ good day.
On the other hand…how boring would that be? You’d always know what to expect. There’d be no surprises. You wouldn’t learn to think on your feet and have adventures because you’d always be prepared for whatever. People wouldn’t learn, they wouldn’t grow, they wouldn’t become better. Friendships would not be forged, love would not be found, nothing new would be discovered. It would be the same thing. Every. Single. Day.
Humans are dynamic beings and need change in order to thrive. Our minds crave the challenges that changes bring as we try to maneuver them. If our world was static…we’d be drones. Robots. Unemotional, unintelligent beings. Change is what causes us to learn. Think about it: You go to school, each year seeming as though it’s going to be the same old thing but instead you learn new things. Every few years, the setting changes as you advanced to the next section of your schooling. Elementary school, middle school, high school, college…each one is a major change in a person’s life. It’s to be expected, but at the same time we have no idea what to expect.
Not everyone handles change easily, and I feel bad for these people. I think change should be embraced, even sought. Sure, you might experience a change that doesn’t work….but then you just make another change until you find something that does. And if it’s external and you can’t directly affect it, then you change your settings. Or your thinking.
Change is scary. It creates uncertainty (which is my biggest fear). It can, at times, challenge your view of your competency. But if you shy away from it, avoid it at all costs, you cannot grow into the person you are meant to be. I believe that whatever greater being may be out there presents changes simply for the chance for us to better ourselves, both individually and as a collective whole.
What changed your life today?
Think about it.
B
In Loving Memory: Scamp
13 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: dogs, grief, pet loss, pets
RIP-8/10/2011
One day in early October, just two weeks after the loss of my childhood dog, another little four-legged friend entered my life. I was not prepared to meet him yet, but he ingrained himself so deep in my heart that I cannot imagine a life without him. He scampered down the stairs and sniffed around, not caring in the least that he had no clue where he was. He marched right up to me, in typical Yorkie fashion, and licked my hand as I demanded of my mom, “What…is that?” He walked and walked around me, stubby tail wagging furiously. He let me pet him as much as I desired.
Then he peed on the floor.
Scamp-the funny little guy that won the hearts of everyone who met him. He had lived at the vet’s office where we took my other dog, Little Foot. She passed away, and my mom wasn’t certain she wanted to get us another dog since I’d soon be leaving for college. But destiny and fate had other things in mind, and when my mom went to pay the final bill at the vet’s, he brought out Scamp. A Yorkie mix. I’d always wanted a yorkie…fell in love with them when I had met a friend of mine’s two yorkies. Mom fell in love with him at first sight and brought him home.
The rest is history.
That little stinker would test his boundaries without being outright disastrous and more times than not his antics were amusing. When he wanted something, he would jump up on his hind legs and hold his little front paws right up next to his face with his ears perked up and his eyes never leaving your face. He loved to play and go on walks and lay next to you. He always had to have you in his sight and each time you moved to a different room he would leave his spot and trail after you, tail wagging and always hoping for a treat. Which he usually got.
He gave us so many good years. I moved out of the house for college but every time I came home he’d be there, waiting for me. I liked knowing that he was there to watch over my mom and take care of her, just as she cared for him. Years later I moved to Minneapolis and he would come visit, now in his older years. You could see the years in him, but he would always perk up for a treat.
He loved Zoe, my little puppy, with an older dog’s tolerance, and would even concede to play with her after she barked and pounced at him for 20 minutes. If he was alone with her and she with him, they hated to be separated. Oh, that funny little boy of mine.
The years went by and he aged with grace. Minor arthritis problems that didn’t interfere with his life and was easily treated. Everything was going well.
Until suddenly…he was gone. This funny little member of my family that fate dropped into my lap. This little guy that just walked right into my home and my heart. This sweet little boy of mine who was always eager to see anyone and everyone. No warning signs, no signs of being ill. Just old. But he was only old in years….his heart always stayed young.
Scamp, my baby boy, you will be so missed, so very much. You were such a special part of my mom’s and my life and we will never, ever, ever forget you. Thank you for your unconditional love and playful nature, for cheering us up when we were down, for reminding us to stay young ourselves. You will always be in our hearts.
I miss you baby boy. So much.
Until we meet again, Scamp.
B
